Content of the material
- 1. First, make sure they want it!
- 9. Touch the Clit Lightly
- Don’t underestimate fingering
- 7. Penetration is a side, not the main dish
- 4. Fingering Isn’t Just For Foreplay
- Let’s Talk About Sex
- 4. Experiment with different strokes
- 5. Be all ears
- How to Finger Someone Who Has a Penis
- Do you need to penetrate when you finger someone?
1. First, make sure they want it!
Babes, manual sneak attacks are assault. So please, for the love of consent, make sure your boo wants to be pleasured by your hand before reaching between their legs. K? And if goes without saying, but make sure you are also crystal clear about what you want in this department before a partner touches you too.
Some lines you might try:
- "I'd love to feel how [insert adjective such as hard, wet, slick, thick, etc] with my hand. Can I take off your pants and touch you?"
- "Do you want me to stroke you under your underwear?"
- "Do you want to take these [*gesture to underwear/pants*] off so I can tease you with my hands?"
9. Touch the Clit Lightly
According to the women surveyed, the most commonly appreciated “first touch” of the clit is one that’s feather-light. One woman even compared the initial touch she likes to rubbing honey on a butterfly’s wing. Keep your touch delicate and light so that your fingertip isn’t even moving the skin, just gliding over it.Remember, the clitoris is extremely sensitive, so proceed gently!
Don’t underestimate fingering
Fingering is a great choice for lots of reasons. Your partner is more likely to reach orgasm this way, and if you’re shooting for multiple orgasms then manual might be essential.
And whilst men don’t usually yearn for hand jobs, many women are grateful that their partner is willing to try manual.
So don’t underestimate the sensual potential of good manual stimulation. Variety is the spice of life, after all, and your partner will appreciate some attention from your lusciously creative fingers.
7. Penetration is a side, not the main dish
You’re going to have to wait until your partner is properly warmed up, but some people like some penetration as part of their finger play. Before you begin make sure to ask your partner if it’s OK for you to go inside. Once you slip a finger or two in, these are a few moves you can try out.
- A circular, swirling motion inside the vagina. This targets the sensitive area at the opening of the vagina.
- G-spot stimulation (the spongy area of tissue, found two to three inches inside the vagina’s front wall). There are a few G-spot techniques you can try but the most common is a firm, “come-hither” motion using a finger or two against the vagina front wall.
- Switch things up by slipping your fingers in the vagina, caressing the G-spot, then slipping them back out, up and over the clitoris. Repeat as necessary.
- Get handy: use the rest of your hand to caress and massage the clitoris and labia while your fingers move rhythmically in and out.
It’s important to check in with your partner about whether they like what you’re doing. Ultimately, this should be a joint effort, with you both working as a team toward your partner’s ultimate pleasure.
If you’re concerned about finding their G-spot, you can always use a toy specially designed to massage it. Sex toys with a curved or bulbed tip are made to target vibrations and pressure to the G-spot.
An avid multitasker? You might also want to take a rampant rabbit vibrator for a spin, these sex toys are designed to target the clitoris and G-spot simultaneously.
igor_kell Getty Images
4. Fingering Isn’t Just For Foreplay
It’s true that very few women get off by way of penetration alone. In the study conducted by OMGYes, 72 percent of women said they need their clit stimulated during intercourse in order to reach orgasm. That means you need to pay attention to your partner’s most sensitive part during intercourse if you want her to orgasm. In fact, the resounding sentiment from the study was that the clit gets attention here and there, but most women would prefer to have it touched throughout the act.
RELATED: How To Master The Woman’s G-Spot
Let’s Talk About Sex
Craving a little more intimacy? Grab a MasterClass Annual Membership and learn more about communicating openly with your partners, experimenting in the bedroom, and being your own best sexual advocate with a little help from Emily Morse (host of the wildly popular podcast Sex With Emily).
4. Experiment with different strokes
"Regardless of the shape of your partner's genitalia, using varied strokes is a great way to start off your manual activities," says Deysach.
If your partner has a penis, "try using long strokes up and down a shaft, twisting your wrist just a bit as your stroke," she says. "Or grip the shaft with both hands and use your thumbs to make circles on the underside of his penis, right at the frenulum [the edge of the head] where many people are super-sensitive."
If your partner has a vulva, try stroking from the top-down if your partner has a sensitive clit, and down-up if your partner likes more direct stimulation, suggests Sloane. "You might try moving your fingers in counter-clockwise circles, clockwise circles, and diagonally across the clitoris," she says. "And if your partner enjoys penetration and wants it, you might try fingering them." (Related: An Insider's Guide to Sleeping with Another Woman for the First Time)
P.S. Don't hesitate to get both hands in on the action. "You might try thrusting two fingers (or more) into your partner's vagina while using your other hand to stroke their clit. Or cupping your partner's testicles with one hand while stroking down the shaft with another," says Deysach.
5. Be all ears
And on that point… As things heat up, it’s important to tune in to your partner’s bodily response, the directions they give you and any sounds they make. If you switch up the rhythm or direction of your touch and things get quiet, course correct. If your partner moans, gasps, their breathing gets heavier or they let you know that they like what you’re doing, it’s safe to say you’re on the right track.
When it turns hot and heavy, move closer to your partner and allow yourself to get lost in their movements, pleasure and breathing. It’s never not important to be attentive to your sexual partner’s body language, but it’s tantamount for fingering. There is no advice that will serve you better than listening to your partner’s wants and needs, so make sure you take note.
Renato Marzini Getty Images
How to Finger Someone Who Has a Penis
Prostate stimulation can be immensely pleasurable. Learn to finger your partner by following these steps:
- Learn about your partner’s anatomy. The prostate is located below the bladder near the rectum. Since the prostate is an internal organ, you can’t stimulate it directly. The best way to stimulate the prostate is through the anus.
- Warm up. Foreplay is essential when engaging in prostate play. It is much easier to find the prostate when a penis owner is sexually aroused, because arousal triggers additional blood flow to the prostate, causing it to enlarge. Start by massaging other areas of your partner’s body, then stroke the penis and scrotum.
- External prostate stimulation. You can stimulate the prostate externally by massaging the perineum, the area between the scrotum and anus. Vibration can also be pleasurable in this erogenous zone, so consider using a vibrator. Some people can reach orgasm from perineum stimulation alone.
- Add lube. As with all types of anal play, lube provides for maximum comfort. First, apply lubricant around the rim of the anus and then inside as well. Once your partner feels warmed up, apply more lube to your finger or prostate toy before insertion.
- Locate the prostate. To find the prostate, insert your finger or an anal toy into the anus about two inches deep. If you’re using your index finger, this will be about two knuckles deep. Angle your finger or prostate toy toward the belly button, and you should feel the prostate through the rectum's front wall. It’s about the size of a walnut and will feel firm.
Do you need to penetrate when you finger someone?
Good fingering doesn’t need to include penetration. Many people find it easier to orgasm from external stimulation. But internal stimulation can also provide a great deal of pleasure if it’s something you and your partner would like to try.
Once you get the go-ahead from your partner, continue the slow pace. Start with just one or two fingers and move very slowly, checking in as you go. If you’re interested in exploring G-spot stimulation, slide your fingers along the anterior wall of the vagina (up towards the belly) until you’re an inch or two deep and you feel a slightly different texture. Remember, everybody is different and there’s no way to find the right spot without talking to your partner and asking what feels good.
What you’re actually stimulating is the urethral sponge, an area of the CUV complex that is often the last to swell with arousal — so it’s best to wait until your partner is really turned on before trying this.
You’ve probably heard the advice to use a “come hither” motion with your fingers. And while that might get you in the right neighborhood, make sure you avoid using the tips of your fingers or fingernails, since they tend to poke and fingernails can cause damage. Instead, focus on using the pads of your fingers to either press upward in a rhythmic way or move in little circles. Again, check-in about what’s most pleasurable.
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The information on this site is not intended as medical advice, but for general interest only. Please consult a doctor if you have a medical question. In other words, please don’t do anything silly to your penis and blame me.