How to politely decline virtual dates when you have no plans

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Sejal S on April 16, 2020:

What if the guy is stubborn and doesn't understand the refusal in polite manner?

Confidence Nicholas on March 09, 2019:

How do i turn down a relationship

In a case where i don't love the guy because he drinks hot,not finically fitted ,but loveble

But not the kind of guy i want in my life

Aurelio Locsin from Orange County, CA on July 13, 2013:

The problem with coming up with different reasons not to go out with someone is that they'll keep trying. I find it best to just be honest and say, "I don't see you that way," or "I just want to be friends" or "I don't think we would work out in a relationship." Voting this Up and Useful.

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Forward them to someone else

One situation where people don’t have a problem hearing no is when you send them to someone else who might be of more help. That way, they won’t think of it as refusal, rather than help with getting what they really need. Of course, first, make sure that the person you’re sending them to can do the actual task.

Main Reasons for Declining a Date

Of course, now you understand that you should never date someone whom you don't like. But what if you are not a very experienced person, and it seems to you that you don't mind to have a date with this person? The feeling of uncertainty is very common for humans. Don't worry, you are normal, and this has nothing to do with your self-confidence. Usually, we recommend going on a date with this person, but today, we are saying that you need to pay attention to his or her behavior while you were chatting online or seeing each other offline.

1. He or she doesn’t listen to you

Having the opportunity to speak is important to every person, and it is especially important in the relationship between romantic partners. The desire to know that your beloved one understands you, helps you, satisfies your needs, supports you, and responds accordingly is completely natural for every person. For this reason, if this person can't pay attention to you, even in small things, for example, doesn't want to hear about how your day went, then there is no point in dating him or her. Because everything will only get worse, and your romantic relationship will give you nothing but a pure disappointment.

2. You can’t be yourself with him or her

One of the most unpleasant problems in a romantic relationship is when you can't be yourself and show your true nature, say what you think, feel exactly the way you feel. Constantly receiving reproaches from a loved one for the fact that something is wrong with you is painful and unfair. On the other hand, with a normal romantic partner, you can expect that he or she will advise you and will help you grow, and vice versa. But if you don't feel that this is the case with this person, then you should avoid dating him or her.

3. You have nothing in common

Of course, having something in common doesn't mean that your partner should love everything that you love and hate everything that you don't like. Each person has his or her own views on life and his or her own sphere of interests. But if you understand that you have nothing to share with this person, nothing to talk about, and he or she may not understand the importance of some things, then you shouldn't agree to date this person. Of course, everything can be changed, but it is not wise to begin your romantic relationships with problems.

4. You feel exhausted after being with this person

If you feel that this person drains all your energy during your meetings or texting, and you feel exhausted both physically and emotionally, then this is a very important sign that you shouldn't be together. Besides, if you already feel terrible when you simply meet this person or receive messages from him or her, imagine what problems you may encounter if you decide to live together, or have a family. Having personal space in a relationship is one thing, but this doesn't mean that you should feel terrible when he or she texts or calls you to ask you to go on a date.

5. You can’t openly talk about your feelings with this person

In any romantic relationship, it is very important to talk about your feelings. Both partners should freely express both positive and negative emotions. Thus, they can find and fix problems until it is too late. Plus, this is a pretty important part of the emotional connection between two people. If you can't tell this person how and what you actually feel about him or her, then you shouldn't agree to date this person. Building relationships on lies is a huge mistake.

Offer an alternative

Sure, getting no as an answer won’t feel that great to the person on the other end. However, if you give them an alternative that seems equally good, they’ll probably accept the refusal a whole lot better.

This is not always a possibility, as sometimes there is no alternative option. Also, bear in mind that giving an alternative may open up more unnecessary discussion.

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When You Must Decline an Invitation

As much as you’d like to go to everything you’re invited to, there are times when you simply can’t. Perhaps you already have plans for that particular time, or you have to work. Or maybe you’re exhausted and need to pull it in for a while. Overextending yourself can cause you to get your wires crossed, making you appear flaky and unreliable.

You might be tempted to not respond because you don't want to hurt the person's feelings, or you worry that you won't get invited to their next event. Maybe you think that if you ignore the invitation, it won't be a big deal to simply not show up. That's flawed thinking because ignoring it is rude and inconsiderate.

Even if you're the kind of person who has a difficult time saying no, you need to dig deep and do the right thing by politely letting the host know that you are unable to attend. You don't have to draw out an excuse. In fact, it's better to be brief but polite. And you need to do it sooner rather than later so the person can do a better job with planning.

Remember that sending regrets to an invitation doesn’t mean you’re rejecting the person who sent it to you. It’s simply a statement that you are unable to attend whatever you’ve been invited to.

Examples of politely declining a request

Here are some example scenarios of when you may need to decline a request:

Turning down a meeting

"I understand the need to meet with a new client on short notice. Unfortunately, I am unable to make the meeting, as I have an appointment planned for that time. I can, however, offer two alternatives. I could attend the first half of the meeting remotely before leaving for my appointment, or I can come in early the next day to discuss the highlights of the meeting with you. Please let me know what works best."

Saying no to a project

"I understand the importance of beginning this project right away. I'm sorry, but I can't begin this project until I finish the one I'm working on currently. I plan to have this project finished by the end of the week, so I could begin the new project early next week. Alternatively, I could allocate an hour to meet with the project team and discuss how I would approach it. I'm happy to do both. Feel free to call or email me with your preference."*

Avoiding an introduction you don't want to make

"Thank you for the email. It sounds as though you'd like me to introduce you to my supervisor. I've only been here a short time, and I'm not comfortable making introductions. If you'd like, however, I can provide you with contact information for our human resources department and am happy to look over your resume."

Avoiding writing a recommendation letter

"Thanks for contacting me, and congratulations on applying for a new position. I appreciate that this is an exciting time for you and recommendation letters are an important part of the hiring process. I don't think I'm in the best position to speak to your qualifications for this position, however, so I'm going to decline. If you'd like to meet with me to discuss how I think you can stand out as a candidate, I may have some suggestions. Please give me a call at your convenience."

Declining a vendor request

"Thanks for taking the time to put together this offer for your product. I agree, your rates are very competitive. At the moment, however, we are very happy with the contract with our current vendor, which runs through next year. If this changes in the short or long term, I will consider contacting you to meet our future needs."

Declining to make a monetary donation

"Thank you for stopping by our office yesterday and giving a presentation on your organization. While we all agree your cause is a noble one, after discussion with my supervisors and colleagues, we have decided not to donate this year because we contribute to several similar campaigns. I will reach out if this changes. Thanks again for your time, and please consider stopping by in the future."

Rejecting a customer request for a discount

"It's great to hear from you! I understand that, given your long-term loyalty to our brand, you were hoping for a discount on your next order. We are, sadly, unable to provide discounts on individual orders. We do, however, offer a rewards program for our customers and free delivery on automated orders. Would you be interested in either of these?"

Refusing a customer feature request

"Thanks for taking the time to complete our survey. We love hearing back from our customers. While we're happy to take your ideas under advisement, we are satisfied with much of our current business model. We are, however, very interested in your thoughts on any additional products you would like to see in our store. Do you have any suggestions? Again, we thank you for your time and welcome any suggestions you have."

Declining a promotion to a position with greater responsibility

"I'm honored to receive the offer of this new position, I believe it acknowledges my skill, growth and dedication to this company over the past few years. As you may know, I am also busy taking classes at the university and hope to complete my studies this spring. As a result of the time required to complete my studies, I reluctantly decline this position. I hope that you will consider me for similar opportunities in the spring when I have fewer commitments."

Turning down a purchase request

"I understand that making this acquisition may be in the long-term interests of our department. Currently, however, we do not have the budget to make the purchase. We could either wait until the end of the next fiscal quarter to make the purchase or look at removing some items from our budget over the next two months to purchase it sooner. Which do you prefer?"

Tips for Declining a Date Politely

So, how to respectfully decline a date? You already understand that you must be honest with people if you don't want to date them, and you know that you should never date those you don't like, but how to refuse a date without ruining your connection with this person? Because, sometimes, we find ourselves in a position when our coworkers or close friends want to turn whatever relationships we have with them into romantic ones. Don't worry, you are right that this is a very hard topic, but here are some tips that will help you decline a date very politely.

Compliment

Before saying that you don't want to date this or that person, you should make a compliment about his or her best quality because by doing that, you won't hurt him or her too hard with your refusal, and will save his or her self-confidence. As you may know, receiving a refusal from a person you love can critically damage your confidence.

Don't get into the friend zone

Friendzone is a real nightmare for everyone. If you are in a friendzone, you can be very close with a person you love but will never be as close as you would like to be because being a good friend and a perfect romantic partner are two very different things. Thus, you should avoid both getting into friendzone yourself or putting other people there.

Explain the reason

You don't actually owe an explanation of real reasons for your refusal. But this is one of the greatest ways to politely decline a date via text because online you can't look in his or her eyes, and your body language doesn't show anything. Hence, you should help this person understand why you don't want to date him or her. Note, if the real reason is too cruel, then you can lie about it.

Speak directly without giving false hope

The most important thing to remember when refusing someone is to do it openly and directly, without giving any false hopes. As you can see, sometimes, people, when trying to politely decline a date online or offline, are not able to make it unconditionally. They find blurry reasons not to go on a date. Therefore, they are giving false hopes to others that one day, they may agree to go on a date.

Be honest

Even though we have recently mentioned that you can lie about real reasons for refusal, you still need to be somewhat honest about them. For example, if you don't want to be with this person because he or she doesn't have anything in common with you. You should honestly but at the same time politely tell this to him or her. Use lies only to make an honest reason sound gentle and less painful.

How can you refuse to have a date with someone without hurting his or her feelings at all? Unfortunately, you can't. No matter how polite and careful you will be, it is always hard to be rejected by someone, but you should remember that it is way harder and more painful to date or even live with someone who doesn't suit you. In fact, by refusing, you are not hurting people, but saving them from the pain that will come with unhappy romantic relationships. But it doesn't mean that you can refuse others without any doubts, and courtesy. Refusing people can be very hard, but it is inevitable because you will meet many different people during your life, and only a few of them you will be able to call yours.

Don't worry if everything sounds too hard and cruel to you. Refusing and receiving refusals is a very important part of human lives. If you ever received a refusal from a person you like or love, then you know how crucial it is to possess a skill of declining a date politely and gently. Sometimes we become so emotional and charged, so we can't keep our anger or disappointment inside, and we chuck it over those who around us, sometimes we hit very hard those who love us by doing that. Remember, you should always be careful and must pay attention to your politeness, especially when you are going to refuse to have a date with someone. This world is full of pain even without you, and there is no reason to add more of it.

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