Shitty Christmas gifts of years past

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Mandy: Great, there are like three Brazil nuts. Tara: I’m allergic. Point taken. Better sleep with both eyes open tonight. Chris: Guess who’s getting a nut tree next year?! Justin: I’d smile politely while scattering the nuts around the living room as if I was blessing the place without breaking eye contact.

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Hannah C.: Use it on the giver for its intended purpose… Mandy: If you’re trying to call me a ball-busting bitch, just fucking say it to my face. Casey: Scream, start crying, throw the nutcracker against the wall, and say, “NOOOO! Not again! Why won’t he just leave me alone already?” Chris: Wait, were the mixed nuts uncracked? Because if so, this is very useful and considerate.

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