Content of the material
- Related Stories From YourTango:
- 6. Never send a follow-up text or over-text
- #10 Think of her as a vegetarian
- 1. Let Him Initiate (Most of The Time)
- Rule #7: The power of language
- #4 Use what’s proven to work
- Rule #9: Social proof on your profile
- 4. Text Him According To His Level of Investment In You
- What Are The Texting Rules For Dating?
- How Often Should You Text In A New Relationship?
- How Do You Keep A Guy Interested While Texting?
- How Often Should A Guy Text You?
- Do Guys Like When Girls Text First?
- 10. Are you texting them “just because”?
- 4. Dont send sexts if you want more than sex
- 3. Have you recently gone out on a date with them?
- Easy to Remember, Easy to Do It Wrong
Related Stories From YourTango:
15 Signs The Two Of You Are Simply Meant To Be 5 Simple (But Delightfully Effective) Ways To Turn A Man On Yikes! 5 Worst First Date Stories Of All Time
6. Never send a follow-up text or over-text
Every time you get the urge to send a follow-up text, resist it as much as you can.
If he wanted to respond he would have done so or he might not have seen your text and a follow-up will come across like you are needy and desperate for his attention.
If he isn’t sending a text back there is nothing you can do about it. Let him be. Not getting a text back is a strong message in itself.
Don’t make things worse on yourself by sending a follow-up text.
Don’t send him tons of texts either, as even if he responds to all of them it’s the quickest way to suffocate your potential relationship.
Be more concerned with quality and not quantity; it’s more about what you text about than texting all the time.
Knowing where he has been the whole day or what he had for breakfast is basically worthless but a text in which he says he thought about you the whole day is pure gold.
#10 Think of her as a vegetarian
I’m going to keep this SHORT.
Because it shouldn’t need much explanation.
Think of her as a vegetarian. That means:
Keep your meat to yourself.
Your sausage. Your shlong. Your snake. Your donger. Your fleshflute.
Don’t ever send her a dickpic without her asking for it or without being in the middle of ultra spicy sexting. And even then, showing your battering-ram can take away a lot of the magic. Depending on how visual the lady concerned is. But that’s something for a whooooooole ‘nother kind of article.
1. Let Him Initiate (Most of The Time)
One of the major complaints I often hear from women, is that they feel like they’re always the one initiating the conversation over text. If this is you, then it’s time to take a step back.
I know you’re probably super excited about this new guy, and see nothing wrong with hitting him up first. Which of course there isn’t. But in the early stages this should be done in moderation.
Besides, if you’re always the one messaging first. Then you’re actually not even giving him the chance to initiate a conversation with you.
And not to mention, that if you’re always the one messaging him first? It can become problematic. Because, what you’re really doing is setting the tone and framework for your relationship. One, where you’re doing all the work. And him? Not so much.
Of course, if that is what you want, then that’s perfectly ok. However, most women I speak with that have set up this type of relationship end up frustrated. Constantly wondering why he doesn’t make any effort to court them.
That being said, I’m not saying to never initiate. Ideally, you want a relationship that is balanced. Not one that is completely one sided, for either of you.
Part of learning how to be a good texter with a guy to keep him interested, in a way that also moves the relationship forward. Means that you’ll need to pay attention to your communication patterns and tempos. If you want him to pursue you, then this looks like he sends 3 or 4 first messages, then you send one.
This will allow you to maintain the courtship process. While simultaneously allowing you to observe his texting habits. Which will turn, will help you to gauge his level of sincerity and interest in you.
Which brings me to my next point…
Rule #7: The power of language
Why is it so important to stimulate a woman emotionally when online dating?
Because women make most of their decisions based on feelings.
If you take her on an emotional rollercoaster online, she’ll be even more curious to see what you’ll do with her in real life.
You should have this principle in mind when you write your profile text:
That magical moment when you hold your breath because you’re meeting someone special. The first touch and the Goosebumps when your eyes meet. ‘You feel stronger, yet more vulnerable than ever before…
When she reads such a bio, she will feel much more than if you only write about your age, your profession, and your football club.
This article shows you exactly what else you need to know about profile texts:
#4 Use what’s proven to work
If a millionaire offered you a sneak peek into his money making methods for free. Would you have a look?
And what if someone rich in girls offered you a sneak peek into his girl getting methods for free? Would you want to have a look?
If the answer is yes, then you’re in luck. I’m giving away my 10 texts that always work. 10 texts my coaches and I use time and time again, because they work for each of us.
And they work for you, too.
So go ahead, click here and get my 10 texts sent to you.
Rule #9: Social proof on your profile
‘Social proof’ is a concept from evolutionary psychology and means that the woman pays attention to whether other people react positively to you.
In other words:
Women want a popular man who is highly desired by other señoritas.
Especially if you are well-received by other female specimens, your chat partner thinks:
“Okay, he seems to be pretty popular with other women… There must be something about him.”
“Okay, he seems to be pretty popular with other women… There must be something about him.”
Let me give you an example:
You go to the supermarket, and you want to buy orange juice. There are two kinds. Both cost exactly one dollar. The difference is: The shelf of the first kind of orange juice is filled.
On the shelf of the other kind are only two bottles left. Which juice do you think you’ll choose?
Right, you’d probably prefer the more popular orange juice.
But how can you apply this principle to online dating?
Three simple ways how you can use Social Proof in online dating:
- You upload pictures of yourself with your friends.
- You subtly mention your female friends during texting (for example in stories you tell)
- Example: ‘I must introduce you to my friend Lara. She’s also totally into (what you are talking about). You’ll get along great.’
- You let it shine through in your chat that sex is no big deal for you, but a normal part of your everyday life.
- For example, if she asks you what you did last weekend, you write: ‘Nothing special really… reading, sports and a few dates with 2 of my favorite women. After that, I always feel supercharged for the week ahead.’ You can leave the rest to her imagination…
Finally, my favorite technique in online dating:
4. Text Him According To His Level of Investment In You
Nowadays many women seem to get caught up with men that are low investment texters. These are the guys that like you, but only enough to keep you as an option.
Like the guy that seemed great at first. But then disappears for weeks, only to pop back up again with a “Heyyy!!”. Or the guy that only seems to send texts late a night. Or the one that is really great at messaging you, but never asks you out.
These are the guys that you don’t want to over invest in. I know that it sucks to hear this. Because some of these guys are really great at leading a girl on. Giving you false hopes that this relationship is eventually going to go somewhere.
Men value a woman that they have invested their time and attention into. That means the more effort that he puts into you, such as initiating texts and planning dates etc. Then the more he feels invested in you.
If he’s interested he will make an effort to get to know you. He will reach out to you and text you more than one word replies. He will make plans and follow through. These are the men that you should also be investing in.
And, if he’s not investing in you. Then he’s more than likely not interested in you. And keeping you on the line as an option.
Now does that mean that you shouldn’t reply to him at all? Well it depends. If you really like him you can. But just because he texts you back, doesn’t mean that things are going to change. Most of the time men will text you back regardless of their intentions.
So if he sends you a “How are you??” and it’s been weeks. You can respond, but don’t go over every detail of your life and gush about how great it is to hear from him.
Even if you really like this guy and are excited to get even a crumb of a reply from him. It’s important to see his efforts for what they are.
If he he steps it up and shows you that he’s worthy and deserving of your time and attention then great. If not, well then that means it’s time to move on to someone who will.
What Are The Texting Rules For Dating? While there’s are no official texting rules to dating, there are some unspoken rules you need to follow, if your aim is to effectively communicate with a guy you’re into. This includes responding to your texts on time, keeping texts short and simple, and responding relatively equal. How Often Should You Text In A New Relationship? Texting is virtual and simple approach of keeping in touch when you can’t be with your loved ones in real life. As a lady, at the early stages of dating texting, you might want to make sure you text well enough to show you are interested in dating him, yet not too much so that you don’t give off needy or desperate vibes. How Do You Keep A Guy Interested While Texting? When it comes to dating, guys love mystery and like to do some chasing. The simple key is don’t give off too much. Make it simple and sweet, so he’ll have room left wondering about you. On the other hand, don’t ghost him by being radio-silent. It’s only natural for him to think you are uninterested. How Often Should A Guy Text You? Because guys love to impress ladies with words, they do more texting while trying to win you over. e.g texting for a date, to check on you, etc. Therefore, It’s not uncommon for guys to message 3-5 times in a day. More so, if you have regular conversations via SMS, then you should expect more texting from him. Do Guys Like When Girls Text First? It is generally believed that guys love to do the chasing. However, men like the feeling of being wanted by their female counterparts. In fact, it’s a huge turn-on for many guys when ladies are bold and make the first texting move. What men don’t like are texts that have desperation written all over.
10. Are you texting them “just because”?
150 Questions To Ask On A First Date
Who doesn’t want to receive a text that says “I miss you” or “This song I’m listening to made me think of you?” Admittedly, these texts can be kind of mushy, but even if you’re not in a full-blown relationship, it’s just a nice text to send and a nice text to receive—it’ll make the person in your life feel special.
4. Dont send sexts if you want more than sex
Don’t give him any boyfriend benefits until he is actually your boyfriend. Don’t send sexts in the early phases of a relationship either.
You don’t have to be a prude but you can postpone sexting until he becomes someone you actually know and trust.
If sexting begins too soon, he will assume that you are in it just for sex or that you are easy to get into bed and after he gets what he wants, he will be on his way. So, don’t rush it.
On the other hand, if he insists on sexting or sends you texts that are full of sexual implications, you will know exactly where you stand with him; he is not interested in your heart—just your body.
If that’s not something you are into, wave him goodbye and send him packing, as he is not worth your time.
3. Have you recently gone out on a date with them?
Yeah? Then definitely send the text. The best way in, says Ann Rosen Spector, PhD, a psychologist in Philadelphia, is to bring up something you talked about during your date. Say they mentioned a movie they’re super into and you catch a trailer for the director’s next film—send them something like: “Hey, I just saw the trailer for [director’s name here]’s new movie. I can see why you’re into her stuff. If you’re free, want to watch it with me next Thursday?”
Or, if nothing really stood out (are you sure you want to go on a second date?), send a thank you for a nice time and suggest something the two of you can do in the future.
“Should I text him?” isn’t the only question you’ll ask when it comes to dating. All the answers to your burning q’s, here:
4. Do you want to ask them out?
All together now: Text them! Text them! Text them!
How you ask them out is totally up to you, says Beverly Palmer, PhD, clinical psychologist, professor emeritus at California State University, Dominguez Hills, and author of Love Demystified.Related Story
Ask Dr. Chloe: ‘How Do I Ask A Guy Out?’
But if making a move digitally is more your speed, tell them you’ve been interested in spending one-on-one time with them and were wondering when they had some free time to grab a drink. When they say yes (because who wouldn’t want to go out with you?), propose a time and place and lock it in.
If on the off-chance they’re not interested, it’s okay to let it sting for a bit…then on to the next.
Easy to Remember, Easy to Do It Wrong
The key to successful dating is meticulous planning and execution. You can read all of the fairy tales about random encounters that you want, and spend your time hoping for something wonderful to happen to you- or you can follow the words of French scientist Louis Pasteur who said “chance favors only the prepared mind.”
Those wonderful things can, and do, happen in dating. If you are unprepared however, if you do not understand the situations in which they can happen, then you will not be prepared to take advantage of those pivotal moments.
This is not the most complex of concepts. Get your second date established as soon as possible, preferably at the first date while the woman is there with you. If you succeed in that, keep the messaging terse, limited to checking she got home safely and arranging second date pickup, unless she moves to expand the communication. She very well may if she’s interested.
If you did not get the second date set up while on your first date, and you’ve condemned yourself to getting her to go out again using only your communications skills, then be careful. Probe carefully with short messages and do not overwhelm her with contact.
Think before you message; are you communicating with the person in metaphorically front of you or are you imagining a degree of connection based upon what you want to exist, and which may yet exist, but which you do not yet share with this person.
Instead of projecting your desires onto what is essentially a stranger, send careful pings, spread out over time, to entice her into communication. Always focus on getting that second date.
If your pings do not result in responses or you get one or two word replies that trail off over time, then do yourself a favor and cut that person loose. There are a lot of women out there, you do not need to project onto an inappropriate one and you do not need to convince one that is not interested.
Managed carefully, you can get over this dangerous period and progress to the second and then the third dates where your communications will not only be accepted but where an interested and engaged woman will most likely encourage the more frequent and intense communication you want.
**Author Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article do not represent the views of the Social Security Administration or the United States Government. They are solely the views of Ted Stalcup in my personal capacity or as a representative of EmLovz. I am not acting as an agent of the Social Security Administration or the United States Government in this activity. There is no express or implied endorsement of Ted Stalcup or of EmLovz by either the Social Security Administration or the United States Government.