The Badass' Guide To Losing Your Virginity


What Does Losing Your Virginity Mean

Going all the way is unique to everyone. While everyone has their own definition of what virginity is, losing it is accomplished the first time you have sex.

For women, losing your virginity usually means voting your hymen off the island. The hymen is a thin, fleshy tissue that’s located at the opening of your vagina. When you go all the way, the hymen is sometimes torn or stretched, which might cause some discomfort.

You may experience some light bleeding if your hymen is stretched during penetration, this is completely normal. Typically, this won’t produce enough blood to leave a mess on the sheets.


10. If you have a penis, you might come really, really quickly

Universal Pictures / Via And that’s totally fine. It’s your first time inside a vagina/mouth/anus, so it’s exciting stuff going on here. But don’t try to stave off an orgasm by thinking about baseball or grandparents or something. Focus on being in the moment and on your partner’s needs, and don’t worry so much about when you’ll come, says Mark. Even if you do finish super quickly, don’t panic — you can just turn your attention to pleasing your partner.

7. Having an orgasm should not be the goal

Fox Searchlight Pictures / Via Yes, orgasms are fantastic, but don’t just focus on when/how/if you’re going to get there. “Getting to know one another’s bodies is as much a part of the sexual experience as orgasm,” says Mark. “Being able to learn what your partner likes and doesn’t like is part of the fun.” It can take some people literally years before they figure out how to orgasm with another person, so don’t expect it to happen right off the bat.

Does losing your virginity hurt? There are ways to have sex for the first time pain-free

We spoke to Sexpert Michelle Hope to see how to reduce pain during sex for everyone, but especially virgins having sex for the first time and her simple overarching advice was that comfortable sex starts with good lubrication and good communication. 

That means you need to amp up the foreplay, fellas — our expert tells us women take longer to warm up.

“When we’re talking about the most comfortable sex positions it’s not always about the position, although yes, that’s very important,” says Hope. “It’s also about lubrication and making sure you’re lubricated enough to allow the vagina to stretch because during arousal a vagina can deepen from 2 to 4 inches, so it was definitively built for things to come in and go out — so it’s more about lubrication.”

Therefore, it’s completely okay if you decide to use extra lube for your first time.

“Also, the best position is communication and rooting your sex experience in communication: what feels good and what doesn’t feel good and how do we communicate stop if we need to and set boundaries. Because that’s really a part of safe-play is actually knowing that you’re safe, which can allow the body to relax and open up the vagina, which can allow for easier penetration,” Hope continues.

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Im scared my naked body is ugly

It’s worth mentioning that the person you’re getting naked with isn’t going to notice your cellulite/muffin top/flabby thighs. Their thoughts are more likely to be “Oh My God! Real life BOOBS, and for some odd reason this GODDESS is letting me sleep with her. Hooray!”

If you’re majorly panicking about getting naked it might be worth asking yourself if you’re really ready for sex yet.

If it’s just getting your kit off that worries you, agony aunt Anita Naik recommends spending more time naked alone to increase body confidence. She says: “You’re not going to have good sex if you’re too busy holding your tummy in or trying to push your boobs together. Stop being critical and try and lose yourself in it.”

Is my penis big enough?

Showing off Mr Happy for the first time might be a little daunting – especially if you’re scared he doesn’t measure up. Here at the The Mix we’ve said it a thousand times but we’ll say it again: Size. Doesn’t. Matter. If you’re sleeping with a woman – vaginas coincidentally are, on average, only four inches deep – so don’t panic. Just remember that whichever gender you’re with, know your way around their bodies with your fingers and tongue. That’s more important. But, if you’re still feeling shy, it may be worth waiting for someone you can trust before you have sex.

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Tips And Tricks For Losing Your Virginity

When the time comes, try to think of it as gaining an experience, instead of losing or giving something away.

Whether you are a virgin or not, make sure that when you have sex, you and your partner are both ready and that you actually want to. You don’t need to rush into it! So, get comfortable with one another, and the experience will be a lot more pleasurable and a lot less awkward.

You’re more likely to feel pleasure if you are comfortable with your body, your partner and the experience as a whole. Don’t put too much pressure on the moment, there’s no such thing as the perfect first time. Don’t be afraid to laugh off mistakes and have fun.

If at any point you stop having fun, or you change your mind and decide you actually don’t want to have sex, then say so. No means no, your partner has no right to try to force you into sex. Remember this doesn’t just apply to your first time, it’s your right – every time!

To escape the pain of popping your cherry, make sure you are properly aroused and lubricated, the wetter the better. So, don’t skip foreplay and go straight from kissing to doing the deed. Giving your body time to prepare is crucial to minimising the friction which causes discomfort and tearing.

If one sexual position hurts, try another! The best sex positions for losing your virginity are the simplest ones like missionary and cowgirl.

Find a safe, private spot so you don’t have anyone barging in – you REALLY don’t want siblings, parents or roommates walking in while you’re bumping uglies.

Want to have an orgasm? Don’t expect your bae to get you there the first time (or the second!) in order for you to climax – you need to know your own body, exactly what feels good and what doesn’t. Your partner won’t be able to read your mind, so give them some guidance and teach them how and where to touch you.