The End is Near—5 Warning signs of a Break-up

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1. The quirks and habits that were NBD before are now driving you freaking crazy

CWTV / Via missrobyn81.tumblr.com Let’s say they’ve always been messy, but now you can barely stand what a slob they are. “Ask yourself why this is getting on your nerves now,” relationship expert Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., author of Snap Strategies for Couples: 40 Fast Fixes for Everyday Relationship Pitfalls, tells BuzzFeed Life. “It’s hard to leave something you’ve put a lot of time and emotion into, so you might be fixating on smaller things instead of the bigger problem.”

13. You find yourself thinking that your relationship is ~better than nothing~

FOX / Via whos-that-url.tumblr.com It’s not. If you’re staying in a not-great relationship for this reason, you’re really not being honest or fair, says Sussman. Sure, walking away from a relationship can be terrifying, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a good decision sometimes. “It also frees you up to be single and dating again — which means that there is a good possibility you will get into a better relationship,” she says.

3) Youre not happy all the time

Like anything in life, relationships have their rocky moments. They’ll also have their boring moments.

But just because some days you’re a little more unhappy or bored in your relationship doesn’t mean you should break up. You can’t be happy all the time. There’s always a balance.

And ignoring the duller aspects of a relationship will probably lead to bigger problems down the road.

In her book “The Real Thing”, writer Ellen McCarthy quotes Diane Sollee, a marriage educator who explains that too many people have unrealistic fantasies about their relationship:

She adds:

Look, when you first start seeing someone, everything seems fun and exciting.

But that will inevitably wear off, but it doesn’t mean that you have to break up.

After all, there is a difference between feeling bored with your partner and feeling bored of your partner.

If you’re simply feeling bored with your Netflix routine, then try to switch it up with some date nights, or pick some new hobbies.

That usually does the trick to reignite the relationship and have some fun.

1) Fear of commitment

This is a common reason to break-up. After all, it’s a big commitment to enter into a long-term relationship.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are times in life when you’re really not ready, but if you can really feel that you like them and you’re getting all the feels, then don’t let the fear of commitment get in your way.

Men in particular are much more likely to commit to a relationship with their hero instinct is triggered. I mentioned this concept above.

The hero instinct is generating a lot of buzz at the moment as a way to explain why some men commit completely to a relationship, while others pull away.

The simple truth is that men have a biological urge to step up to the plate for the women they care deeply about. It’s hardwired into them.

By making him feel like an everyday hero, it unleashes his protective instincts and the most noble aspect of his masculinity. Most importantly, it will unleash his deepest feelings of attraction.

And the kicker?

A man won’t commit to a relationship when this thirst isn’t satisfied.

The hero instinct is a legitimate concept in relationship psychology that I personally believe has a lot of truth to it.

To learn exactly how to trigger the hero instinct in your man, check out this free online video by James Bauer. He’s the relationship psychologist who first discovered the concept.

Some ideas really are life-changing. And to salvage a relationship on the rocks, this is one of them.

Here’s a link to the video again.

The key takeaway: Youll learn a lot

It might not feel like it now, but breakups teach us beautiful lessons.

It teaches us what is truly important in love—what we want and need in someone, what we need in ourselves, what kind of partner we want to be.

Most importantly, it allows us to get to know ourselves better.

Pain is the greatest teacher, after all.

How to Break up with Your Girlfriend like a Man

Breaking up with a woman isn’t always an easy thing to do. But if you follow a few basic steps, you can make it easier not only on yourself, but also on her. 

In this process, it’s important that you maintain your self-respect as a man. Don’t sacrifice your integrity by delving into drama, anger, or bitterness in this crucial, final moment of the relationship. 

For best results, follow these five steps to sever that chord with a masculine, decisive cut, and end the relationship like a man. 

1. Decide on the Course of Action and Commit to It

Is breaking up what you truly want to do?

If so, commit to it. 

She may try to talk you out of it, so it’s very important that you go into the conversation with a strong, firm mind and a plan.

Don’t let her sway you. 

Don’t let her change your mind. 

Understand that if this is what you want, there’s nothing wrong with that. 

You don’t have to defend your decision. You just need to execute and get it done.

2. Do It in Person

Unless she’s actually severely unstable and you fe

Unless she’s actually severely unstable and you fear that she may over-dramatize the situation, it’s always better to have this conversation in-person. 

No, it isn’t easier. But it’s the right thing to do. 

This may not be the woman you want to be with, but the two of you have shared intimacy, special moments, and memories together. You owe it to each other to provide the closure and respect of an in-person conversation.

On the flip side, if she’s legitimately the type of woman who might pull a knife or throw bricks at your car, you may want to leave a note and get the hell out of dodge instead.

And if this latter situation is the case, you shouldn’t feel bad about doing so. 

I’ve only ever been in one such relationship, where I feared that she might fly off the handle so hard that it could be dangerous. I broke up with her over text and made sure that she knew never to come to my house again. 

It sucks, but sometimes wisdom and caution trump closure in such situations. 

3. Hold Masculine Frame

If she loves you, she may cry. 

She may get angry. 

She may start saying very unpleasant things out of pure emotion and hurt-feelings, and those things may or may not be true, respectful, or kind. 

But in this final chapter of your relationship, it’s essential for you as a man to hold masculine frame, to refrain from delving into drama, and to leave the relationship with a legacy of mental strength and emotional fortitude. 

At this stage of the game, there’s no reason to get mad or have an argument. Say your part, thank her for the good things she’s done for you, tell her that you 100% know that this is better for you (don’t try to tell her that it’s better for her—that may or may not be true), and walk away.

4. Give Her (and Yourself) a Clean Break

Some men get through the breakup just fine, but then balk at the finish line. 

They’ll get second thoughts later on, and may start texting or calling her a few days later. 

Some do this out of guilt. Some do it out of loneliness. 

In any case, it’s a terrible thing to do. 

Maybe they’ll even try to hook-up with her. Or worse, they’ll start entertaining thoughts of getting back together if they hit an emotional rough patch. 

Don’t do this. 

Maintain masculine frame. 

You just broke up with this woman. There was a reason for it, and that means that you’re NEVER going to get back together with her. 

Give her a clean break. Move on with your life. Lose her number. Unfriend her, or even block her on all social media. Stop trying to hang out with or talk to her friends. Sever the ties—for good. 

Become a ghost and disappear from her frame of vision. 

If she tries to message you, I highly advise you to not even look at it.

A clean break is difficult. But it’s essential.

As a strong, masculine man fulfilling your purpose, your chapter with this woman is over. Get out of the house, go hang out with your friends, give yourself some time to move on if need-be, and then start dating other women.

Life goes on. Leave this relationship in the past and get on with your life. 

5. Learn from Your Mistakes

Even if the breakup wasn’t your fault, this is a great time to reflect on it and figure out where it went wrong. 

It’s also a great time to reflect on your own performance during the relationship, and to figure out where you could have done better. 

Then, commit to not making those same mistakes again in your next relationship. 

As men, we owe it to ourselves to learn as many lessons as possible from our breakups. 

As we learn and grow, we become better men. 

Don’t think of a breakup as a failed relationship. Think of it as a relationship that you enjoyed for a certain amount of time, that you can learn from to grow and become a better man than you were before. 

Should You Get Your Girlfriend to Break up with You?

The strong, masculine answer to this question is definitely a ‘no.’ 

Some men will try to get their girlfriends to break up with them so that they won’t have to be the ‘bad guy.’ 

But here’s the issue. 

This is the coward’s way out. 

If you can’t even face the woman you’re in a relationship with and communicate to her that it’s done, you likely have severe conflict aversion issues that are also hindering your life in other areas.

This may be very hard for you. But it’ll also be very good for you as a man to see this through on decisive terms. 

Make the decision. Take action. Communicate with her and let her know that it’s over. 

Don’t wait for her to do it. 

Be the ‘man’ in the relationship, and take the action you need to take to get your life on-track.

Do what’s right for you. 

When to Have a Breakup

When you start feeling indifferent about your significant other, consider the red flags, and don’t just gloss over them. This article is more about dating than marriage, so do keep that in mind. (Marriage is more complicated to end.)

  1. If you no longer are getting sufficient time together or have no plans of when you’ll work things through — this isn’t a good sign. You may have been great together, and then one or the other of you had to move for a job. At this point, you should look into whether you have a sustainable relationship or not. Even if someone is long-distance, they should be able to give you time whether texting, video chat, phone calls, letters. Do something.
  2. When you feel more jealous and agitated than romanced and intimate. You shouldn’t be getting upset if they express their attraction for John Stamos or Jennifer Lawrence because their interest in you is overflowing. If it’s like a desert and their eyes are somewhere else — you may want to cut the cord. And not just on your cable subscription.
  3. When you feel like you are in a desert and can’t get any air, that’s not a good sign for a relationship.
  4. When you start stalking them on social media and find things that raise questions and concerns left and right.
  5. If you’re not able to see each other, one of you keeps giving excuses as to why you can’t see each other, or if it seems like they were abducted by aliens and are not the same person anymore.
  6. There’s no enthusiasm or excitement to see you. They’ve let the love run dry. They’ve let the mood run dry. You just feel dry.
  7. You’d rather spend time with your friends over your boyfriend. And that’s daily.
  8. You don’t see a future with the person.
  9. You never talk about a future with the person.
  10. They are emotionally hoarding their exes. Rather than letting them go, they keep having suspicious conversations with them.
  11. They refuse to let you see their family.
  12. They make fun of you and are a constant source of negativity around you. You prefer time by yourself.
  13. You’re dating a couch potato who does nothing but watch TV, falls short on rent, and complains about anything and everything without considering how they can grow as an individual.
  14. The two of you have way too opposite of habits that clash horrifically — such as one of you smokes, one of you doesn’t.
  15. Your girlfriend has no respect for you; she makes fun of everything you hold near and dear. She doesn’t seem to care about learning more about you besides having make-out sessions.
  16. The two of you don’t know how to talk. At all. Ever.
  17. You feel a great deal of distance when you’re out on a dinner date. You feel like the conversation doesn’t flow, and it is like cracking a high security safe.
  18. You have been dating for a while but don’t know basic things about each other like past relationships, his job, her college degree, and the names of her cats.
  19. You find yourself in better company with someone else and would rather be with them.
  20. Your partner is more distracting than helpful in letting you solve problems in your work life, your family life, your personal life.
  21. You felt jilted when they said goodbye, and you knew you wouldn’t be seeing them for a long time to come.
  22. You’ve fantasized about breaking up, and it brings you joy.
  23. You feel like it’s not going to hurt that much to break up with her — and you’ll feel liberated afterward.
  24. You can’t see yourself ever kissing the person.
  25. You hold grudges over petty things.
  26. You both have too much on your plates and are in the very early stages of your careers. Moving is likely for the both of you and to faraway cities.
  27. You can’t remember the last time you genuinely thought they were attractive.
  28. You don’t feel secure; you don’t feel safe; you don’t feel protected; you feel used.
  29. Neither of you bother to text, call, or pursue communication because it feels like a chore.
  30. You lost interest months ago and hoped things would change, but they haven’t. You just don’t know what to say.
  31. If you’re already seeing someone new, but you just haven’t broken the news to your partner. Also, you’re the worst. Stop doing that.
  32. You’re severely allergic to their pets.
  33. He reminds you too much of your dad.

When you're unhappy in a relationship, you should really address that. Don't ignore those feelings.

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Is it normal to feel regret after breaking up?

It’s normal to have regrets after a break up which makes you ask, “Was breaking up a mistake?” Even if you know the breakup is the best decision, you feel bad and wish things had been better. Nonetheless, the feeling fades as time goes on.

It is best to recognize that what you feel is normal and doesn’t necessarily mean you made the wrong decision. Don’t dwell on the matter much. Instead, focus on moving on. If you find yourself constantly asking, “Was breaking up a mistake?” Look out for the following signs.

FAQs

Does a break up strengthen a relationship? Some people think that breaking up, and then getting back together can be good for a relationship.  But here’s the thing. Breakups happen for a reason.  If the relationship has already ended once, odds are good that it’s not going to last a second or third time, either.  A breakup is highly unlikely to strengthen your relationship. Instead, it’s highly likely to cause you to compromise on your integrity as a man.  Leave past relationships where they belong—in the past. Get out there and date some new women, and move on with your life.  Should you break up with someone you still love? This can be a difficult thing to do, but the truth is simple.  If the relationship isn’t healthy, and if the two of you aren’t jiving together in a healthy, compatible, functional way, then no matter how much you love the other person, it’s not going to be enough.  You can absolutely love people who aren’t good for you.  This is one of the ironic tragedies of life.  I’ve ended many relationships with women I loved. Not because they were bad people, but because we just didn’t function properly together as a couple. Should I break up with my girlfriend in person? I 100% believe that in-person is the best way to break up with someone.  With that being said, there are also exceptions.  If you live a long distance away from the person, then a phone call may suffice as an alternative—especially if the relationship wasn’t exactly ‘long term.’  If she’s literally dangerous or unstable, you should NOT break up with her in-person. Leave a note and get the hell out.  If the relationship was more like a short two-to-three week ‘fling,’ a phone call is fine. If it was just a hookup or two, a simple text message will suffice. But if you were officially ‘together’ and in an actual relationship, then talking in-person is definitely a more respectful and honorable way to end things.

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