45. A boyfriend pillow and a stepper
The holidays are certainly full of surprises—horrible presents like these ones included. You can’t justify some of these with “it’s the thought that counts” because, well, did they ever really take the time to think?
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LineFromTo # Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians0:00:020:00:04 # Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights0:00:040:00:07 # Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians0:00:070:00:09 # Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times0:00:090:00:12 # Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage, fierce and truthless0:00:120:00:15 # Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages0:00:150:00:18 # Gory stories, we do that0:00:180:00:20 # And your host, a talking rat0:00:200:00:23 # The past is no longer a mystery0:00:230:00:26 # Welcome to Horrible Histories. #0:00:260:00:30 Welcome to Horrible Histories Horrible Christmas.0:00:360:00:39 This show is going to be a real cracker!0:00:390:00:41 By which I don't mean it's full of bad jokes.0:00:410:00:44 Right, I'm off for a mince pie whilst you lot watch this.0:00:440:00:48 Ho ho ho!0:00:520:00:54 One of my favourite things about Christmas is watching telly.0:00:540:00:58 But you won't believe what passed for0:00:580:01:00 good Christmas entertainment in the Middle Ages.0:01:000:01:03 # Finally found my place in paradise… #0:01:030:01:08- Next! – What? Why?0:01:080:01:11 Let me try another song.0:01:110:01:13 How about some Taketh That, or the Jonas Brethren?0:01:130:01:15 Oh, no. Next!0:01:150:01:17 Are you sure he's not good enough, sir?0:01:170:01:19 You have seen every jester in the country.0:01:190:01:21 No! I'm looking for something extra special here.0:01:210:01:25 I want some top notch, quality entertainment, Chamberlain.0:01:250:01:29 There is one more name on the list.0:01:290:01:31 Next!0:01:310:01:32 I'm bored already.0:01:330:01:35 HE FARTS0:01:370:01:40 Roland the Farter at your service.0:01:400:01:43 HE FARTS0:01:430:01:44 That is brilliant! Chamberlain, book Roland here for the Christmas party.0:01:490:01:53 In fact, I want you to do this jump-fart thing0:01:530:01:57 at every Christmas party from now on!0:01:570:01:59 Shower this man with rewards!0:01:590:02:02 HE FARTS0:02:020:02:04 Yes! Bravo! Yes!0:02:040:02:07 Give this man a manor house, that one in Suffolk.0:02:070:02:10 Oh, and 20… No, 30 acres of land!0:02:100:02:12 Nothing is too much for such a talent.0:02:120:02:14 Talent? You can't be serious.0:02:140:02:17 He's not a proper entertainer.0:02:170:02:19 If was farting you wanted, you only had to say!0:02:190:02:22 I mean, how hard can it be?0:02:220:02:24 HE FARTS0:02:250:02:26 Oh…0:02:260:02:28 I think I tried too hard.0:02:280:02:29 Get cleaned up, be on your way.0:02:310:02:33 I will not speak a word of this.0:02:330:02:35 Thank you.0:02:350:02:36 HE FARTS0:02:360:02:39 Open a window!0:02:390:02:40 Oh, yes, they certainly had a different way of0:02:420:02:45 celebrating Christmas in the Middle Ages.0:02:450:02:48 On Twelfth Night, peasants didn't have the silent night0:02:480:02:51 that you hear about in the carol.0:02:510:02:52 Instead, they went out wassailing.0:02:520:02:56 Greeting, ghoulish fans of the dark.0:04:020:04:05 I am Vincenzo Larfoff, and this week's scary story is…0:04:050:04:12 It's a poem?0:04:150:04:17 How's that supposed to be scary?0:04:170:04:19 Oh, yes, all right. I suppose it is Christmas.0:04:190:04:21 I'll read it.0:04:210:04:24 Twas the night before Childermass, and all through the land0:04:240:04:28 The children were whipped at Mum and Dad's hand0:04:280:04:30 28th of December, that was the time0:04:300:04:33 But why were they beaten?0:04:330:04:34 Let's find out in rhyme0:04:340:04:36 Childermass was a medieval convention0:04:360:04:38 It actually happened, it isn't invention0:04:380:04:41 The story I tell you is horribly true0:04:410:04:43 It isn't made up, I do promise you0:04:430:04:45 Back in the time of the dark Middle Ages0:04:450:04:48 They would celebrate Christmas horribly strangely0:04:480:04:51 Instead of trees and presents and riding on sleds0:04:510:04:54 Children would hide out under their beds0:04:540:04:56 Back then, as part of an ancient tradition0:04:560:04:59 They were to be beaten into submission0:04:590:05:01 But why were they treated in this terrible way?0:05:010:05:04 Well, because of what happened in King Herod's day0:05:040:05:07 King Herod ruled in Biblical times0:05:070:05:09 He killed all the babies – a terrible crime0:05:090:05:13 And to remind children of what came to pass0:05:130:05:16 The adults invented Childermass0:05:160:05:18 Yes, the children were whipped, and that may sound cruel0:05:180:05:21 But it was just to remind them of King Herod's rule0:05:210:05:24 Today we have Santa, and presents and trees0:05:240:05:27 A much better Christmas, I think you'll agree0:05:270:05:30 So be thankful, be happy, and make sure you sleep tight0:05:300:05:33 Merry Childermass to all, and to all a good night!0:05:330:05:38 Actually, that was pretty scary.0:05:400:05:42 Can someone turn the lights up?0:05:420:05:44 No, really, please. Thanks.0:05:440:05:46 Hello, and welcome to the News At When.0:05:510:05:54 When? Christmas Day 1066, which was a double celebration,0:05:540:05:58 because it was also the day William the Conqueror was crowned King.0:05:580:06:02 Let's go over to our royal correspondent,0:06:020:06:04 who's outside the original Westminster Abbey.0:06:040:06:07 We're about to witness the coronation of0:06:070:06:10 England's first-ever Norman King, William the Conqueror.0:06:100:06:14 So, as one of the new King's guards,0:06:140:06:16 what is the mood amongst the Norman soldiers?0:06:160:06:20 Well, it is quite tense, because nobody knows0:06:200:06:23 how the crowd will react to William the Conqueror.0:06:230:06:26 Why's that?0:06:260:06:27 Well, because he came to power here by killing lots of English people.0:06:270:06:31 The clue is in the name – Conqueror.0:06:310:06:34 I knew that. I knew that. Ah! And there he is!0:06:340:06:37 Let's see if we can grab a few words.0:06:370:06:40 Your soon-to-be Majesty, erm,0:06:400:06:43 how are you feeling on this most historic day?0:06:430:06:47 HE SPEAKS FRENCH0:06:470:06:49 For those of you who are not fluent in French,0:06:530:06:57 he just said… something in French.0:06:570:07:00 Ah! And here's the Archbishop of York.0:07:000:07:03 By the power vested in me,0:07:050:07:08 I hereby crown you, William of Normandy, King of England.0:07:080:07:14 Pardon?0:07:160:07:17 You, King!0:07:190:07:20 Ah, oui, la monarchie! Tres bien!0:07:200:07:23 Vive le Roi!0:07:230:07:25 Pardon – long live the King!0:07:260:07:29 THEY CHEER0:07:290:07:30 A fantastic reception there. The King has got to be pleased with that.0:07:300:07:34 No?0:07:340:07:35 Oh, it seems that the new King's guards have mistaken the cheering for0:07:400:07:45 the start of a riot, which they are now0:07:450:07:47 trying to crush, using William's favourite method – extreme violence.0:07:470:07:52 Sur les yeux! Sur les yeux!0:07:520:07:53 And not content with killing and chasing the locals,0:07:530:07:56 they're also now burning some buildings.0:07:560:08:00 Well, what a day it's been here in London.0:08:000:08:04 We've said hello to a new King and goodbye to0:08:040:08:07 hundreds of innocent people and most of Westminster Abbey.0:08:070:08:11 So, it's goodbye from me, and more importantly, merry Christmas.0:08:110:08:15 Ho ho ho! Now, you wouldn't fancy finding0:08:200:08:23 these Saxon presents in your stocking.0:08:230:08:25 Happy Christmas, everyone.0:08:270:08:29- BOTH: – Happy Christmas!0:08:290:08:30- Christopher, merry Christmas! – Oh, thank you!0:08:300:08:34 "To Christopher, from Mildred and the guys!" Thanks, guys.0:08:340:08:38 Is it…? Hey!0:08:380:08:40 Ah, horse poo, excellent!0:08:400:08:42 Now I can mix this up with some clay and mould some new dinner plates.0:08:420:08:46 I need some new ones.0:08:460:08:47 Thank you so much. Thank you.0:08:470:08:49 And here's a little gift for you, Mildred.0:08:490:08:52 Oh, thank you. You shouldn't have!0:08:520:08:55 Oh!0:08:550:08:57 Oh, it's pig poo!0:08:570:09:00 That's excellent. Thank you so much, John.0:09:000:09:03 I've been meaning to re-plaster our walls -0:09:030:09:05- this stuff's the best thing for it. – Jed.0:09:050:09:09 Ah, thanks. Look at that!0:09:090:09:12 Chicken poo!0:09:160:09:18 This is perfect for making leather clothes.0:09:180:09:21 I'm going to let it go really stinky,0:09:210:09:23 then put my cow skins in there and clean them before tanning.0:09:230:09:26 John. I wouldn't leave you out!0:09:280:09:31 What's this?!0:09:310:09:33- Oh! Oh! – It's perfume.0:09:340:09:37- It makes you smell nice. – It stinks!0:09:370:09:41 That's right. In Saxon times,0:09:430:09:44 lords often gave animal poo to their peasants at Christmas.0:09:440:09:48 Dread to think what you got if you'd been bad!0:09:480:09:50 That may be true, but the carol you know0:09:500:09:53 about King Wenceslas is not quite so accurate.0:09:530:09:56 For me, there's only one thing0:11:010:11:03 that really makes Christmas feel like Christmas.0:11:030:11:07 Persecuting Catholics!0:11:070:11:09 Ha ha ha!0:11:090:11:11 But when I'm tired of that,0:11:110:11:12 I like nothing more than tucking into one of these.0:11:120:11:16 Mr Tudor's Mince Pies are made from a traditional recipe of fruits, nuts,0:11:200:11:25 spices and mincemeat -0:11:250:11:28 specifically, the mincemeat of chicken,0:11:280:11:30 hare, rabbit, pheasant,0:11:300:11:34 ox's tongue, liver – pretty much anything you can think of.0:11:340:11:39- What about turkey? – Turkey?!0:11:390:11:40 At Christmas?! Absolutely ridiculous!0:11:400:11:42 I get through more of them than I do wives!0:11:470:11:49 Of course I do – I only had six wives!0:11:490:11:52 I've had about 150 of these today!0:11:520:11:54 STOMACH GURGLES0:11:540:11:56 Ooh, bit of heartburn!0:11:560:11:57 That Henry VIII needs to watch his waistline. He's waisting away!0:11:570:12:01 And his beard's not up to much, either.0:12:010:12:04 Those Tudors – they really did eat a lot of meat at Christmas.0:12:040:12:09 Welcome to a Christmas edition of Historical MasterChef.0:12:100:12:14 We're looking for a really good plate of food…0:12:140:12:18 ..on a plate.0:12:180:12:20 What?0:12:200:12:22 I've got a sweet tooth!0:12:220:12:24 Ed is a trainee chef at Hampton Court, where,0:12:260:12:29 with 200 colleagues, he prepares meals for Henry VIII.0:12:290:12:32 What are you going to cook for us today?0:12:320:12:34 I thought a traditional Christmas feast.0:12:340:12:37- That's an awful lot of meat. – Yes, I'm going to add some spices0:12:370:12:41 and some oatmeal and then stuff all the meat into a pig's gut0:12:410:12:45 to make a Christmas pud-pud.0:12:450:12:46- Pudding? – Did someone say pudding?!0:12:460:12:49 But his pudding is made of meat.0:12:490:12:51 Phwoar! Now you're talking!0:12:510:12:55 OK, cooks, you have ten minutes remaining.0:12:570:13:01 Whoa, naked man in the kitchen!0:13:010:13:03 Whoa! What are you doing?!0:13:030:13:05 When the kitchens get hot at Hampton Court,0:13:050:13:08 we always strip off. No biggie.0:13:080:13:09 Mate, sorry, you can't do that.0:13:090:13:11 You really can't do that.0:13:110:13:13 I'm just having a quick leak. We do it all the time at Hampton Court.0:13:130:13:17 Saves time and cools the place down.0:13:170:13:19 The only leak that should be in a kitchen…0:13:190:13:22- ..is one like this. – That's a swede.0:13:220:13:25 I know. I used to be a greengrocer.0:13:250:13:28 With time running out,0:13:280:13:29 Tudor chef Ed is starting to feel the pressure.0:13:290:13:33 Ed, Ed, Ed. Slow down.0:13:330:13:36 You've just sewn a pig's snout onto a chicken's backside.0:13:360:13:39 No, no. I meant to do that.0:13:390:13:41 Another Tudor speciality.0:13:410:13:43 It's called a cockatrice. Usually you'd sew half the pig0:13:430:13:47 onto a half a cockerel,0:13:470:13:48 but I'm pushed for space,0:13:480:13:50 so I've sewn a pig's snout onto a chicken's backside.0:13:500:13:52 Cockatrice? Looks more like a Franken-swine to me! Ha ha ha!0:13:520:13:56 Mate, how much sugar have you had?0:13:580:14:00 A lot.0:14:000:14:01 To complement his impressive cockatrice,0:14:010:14:04 Ed has served up another seasonal Tudor delicacy – humble pie.0:14:040:14:09 Oh, that is awful!0:14:090:14:10 It's actually pronounced "offal".0:14:100:14:13 It's the guts of a deer, and the spleen and the lungs and the liver.0:14:130:14:17 HE RETCHES0:14:170:14:19 Ed, your cockatrice is an affront to nature.0:14:230:14:26 Your humble pie made Gregg vomit.0:14:260:14:29 Your Christmas pudding is little more than a pig's gut0:14:290:14:32 stuffed with meat.0:14:320:14:34 However, because it has the word "pudding" in it,0:14:340:14:37 Gregg has insisted that we crown you champion.0:14:370:14:40 Congratulations, mate.0:14:400:14:43 Well, I have got a sweet tooth! Cor!0:14:430:14:46 The answer is…false.0:14:530:14:55 Sugar buildings, ships and even sugar joints of meat were a way of0:14:560:15:00 impressing guests, because it was such an expensive ingredient.0:15:000:15:03 Queen Elizabeth was particularly fond of eating sugar sculptures,0:15:030:15:07 and she wasn't easy to please.0:15:070:15:09 Happy Christmas, Your Majesty.0:15:090:15:11 A ring. Why, thank you, Cecil. Have this put with all the other presents0:15:130:15:17 I don't like and never use.0:15:170:15:19- Yes, Your Majesty. – Lord Robert Dudley.0:15:190:15:22 Lord Dudley.0:15:220:15:24 May your yuletide merriment know no bounds, Your Majesty.0:15:240:15:28 Oh, a present!0:15:290:15:31- Whatever could it be?! – What does one get the Queen who has everything?0:15:310:15:36 Why, something that nobody has.0:15:360:15:40 How did this tiny clock get stuck in this bangle?0:15:410:15:44 'Tis a wrist clock, Your Majesty – the first of its kind.0:15:440:15:48 With your permission…0:15:480:15:51 Now, when there is no clock around,0:15:560:15:58 you can tell the time with a simple look to your wrist.0:15:580:16:02 Oh! Why, this is far and away my favourite present ever!0:16:020:16:07 Isn't it marvellous, Cecil?0:16:070:16:09 Yes, Your Majesty.0:16:090:16:11 Let us drink to this new invention.0:16:110:16:13 To the wrist clock!0:16:170:16:18 The wrist clock!0:16:180:16:21 Oh, dear me – there seems to be no clock here in the throne room,0:16:210:16:24 and I need to know the time.0:16:240:16:26 Oh, would you happen to know what time it is, Your Majesty?0:16:260:16:32 Oh! Why, it is…0:16:320:16:35 Oh dear, Lord Dudley.0:16:370:16:40 There appears to be a serious design flaw with your wrist clock!0:16:400:16:46 Indeed, Your Majesty.0:16:460:16:48 Ho ho ho!0:16:580:17:00 Not everyone was as jolly as me at Christmas.0:17:000:17:03 In Stuart, times they did away with kings and queens,0:17:030:17:06 and the country was run by the miserable Puritan Oliver Cromwell -0:17:060:17:10 and it wouldn't be much fun going round to his on Christmas Day!0:17:100:17:14 # On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me… #0:17:150:17:18 Cousin Olly! Merry Christmas, old bean!0:17:180:17:21 Oh, relatives.0:17:210:17:23 How did you get past the guards?0:17:230:17:25 We thought we'd pop by to wish you a very merry Christmas.0:17:250:17:28 I'm a Puritan, I don't celebrate Christmas. I have had it banned.0:17:280:17:31 Well, you won't say no to a spot of Christmas dinner, will you?!0:17:310:17:36- We brought you a goose! – Guards!0:17:360:17:38- What are you doing? – Christmas dinner is banned. It's sinful.0:17:380:17:41 I've ordered the army to confiscate all roast geese. Guards!0:17:410:17:45 Whoa, whoa, we'll lose the goose.0:17:450:17:47 We'll loose the goose. It's fine.0:17:470:17:50 Why don't we go to the pub or something?0:17:500:17:52- Guards! – What now? – Pubs are banned – they are sinful.0:17:520:17:56 Fine – why don't we go to the theatre?0:17:560:17:58- Guards! – Let me guess – banned? – Yes. It's sinful.0:17:580:18:02 All right, why don't we all go and have0:18:020:18:04- a festive kickabout in the park? – Guards!0:18:040:18:07- Oh, you can't ban sport… – Sinful!0:18:070:18:09 You have to understand these frivolous events distract0:18:090:18:13 us Puritans from our devotion to Christ.0:18:130:18:16 We have to do something – Lucy's all made up.0:18:160:18:18 With make-up?0:18:180:18:21 Yes.0:18:210:18:22- Guards! – Oh, come on!0:18:220:18:25- Make-up is sinful. Especially that eye shadow with that top. – What?!0:18:250:18:29- Nothing. – Wait a minute. I've got it.0:18:290:18:31 Why don't we all go to church?0:18:310:18:33- I mean, church isn't sinful, is it? – No, of course not.0:18:330:18:36 Well then, let's all go to church.0:18:360:18:38 Guard! Seize them!0:18:380:18:40 It's against the law to go to church on Christmas Day.0:18:400:18:43 Take these sinners to prison!0:18:430:18:45- But… – What?! – Wait!0:18:450:18:48 Yes?0:18:480:18:50 Happy Christmas.0:18:510:18:52- Oh! – Now lock them up and throw away the key!0:18:520:18:55 Yes, life wasn't much fun under Cromwell.0:18:560:18:59 So people wanted their monarchy back,0:18:590:19:01 and everything was much jollier under Charles II.0:19:010:19:04 But what with the plague and the Great Fire of London,0:19:040:19:07 it wasn't all plain sailing.0:19:070:19:09 Hello, lovely people of Britain.0:19:390:19:41 Happy Chrimbo. Now, I know when I did my speech this time last year,0:19:410:19:45 everyone was on a bit of a downer about the whole plague thingy.0:19:450:19:49 Dead bodies everywhere, no more parties. Dreadful business.0:19:490:19:54 Well, this year, the good news is, there's no more plague! Huzzah!0:19:540:19:59 The bad news is, there's no more London.0:19:590:20:02 Blasted great big fire just about burned the whole city down.0:20:020:20:06 At least this year you won't have to worry0:20:060:20:08 if the Christmas goose is properly cooked.0:20:080:20:11 Mmm! Nom nom nom!0:20:110:20:12 Marvellous.0:20:120:20:13 Well, let's hope that 1667 is an altogether better year for everyone.0:20:130:20:19 Touch wood! Oh, that's still hot!0:20:190:20:22 Happy Christmas, all. Party on!0:20:220:20:25 Are you sure the fire's completely out?0:20:270:20:30 Victorian prisons were cruel and brutal places.0:20:350:20:39 Although things were a bit different at Christmas.0:20:390:20:42 Get on with it, you criminal scum!0:20:440:20:47 Pick it up, you horrible little worm!0:20:470:20:50 First of all, you will move these cannonballs0:20:500:20:52 from there to here for no reason whatsoever!0:20:520:20:55 Then, you will turn that heavy crank around and around, because I say so!0:20:550:21:00 BELL CHIMES0:21:000:21:02 # We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas0:21:030:21:08 # We wish you a merry Christmas, number 3102. #0:21:080:21:12 What's going on?0:21:120:21:14 It's Christmas lunch. Time to stop the merciless punishment,0:21:140:21:17 the beatings and pointless ritual humiliations,0:21:170:21:21- and be nice to you for the rest of the day. – There's a catch.0:21:210:21:24 No catch. Come on. You don't want your Christmas dinner getting cold.0:21:240:21:28 Is this what you do every year?0:21:280:21:30 One minute you're beating prisoners senseless0:21:300:21:33 and the next you're serving them a slap-up feast?0:21:330:21:36 The magic of Christmas in a Victorian prison.0:21:360:21:38 In fact, me and the lads, we had a little whip round.0:21:380:21:42 I know you did, I've got the scars.0:21:420:21:44 No, I mean we all clubbed together.0:21:440:21:47 Yeah, on my head.0:21:470:21:48 Do you want this present?0:21:480:21:49- It's a watch. – Aye, I know it is a bit over the top.0:21:510:21:56 We're only supposed to give you lunch.0:21:560:21:58 But I think can I speak for all the lads when I say, well,0:21:580:22:02 you are our favourite prisoner.0:22:020:22:04 Wow!0:22:040:22:06- I'm touched. – No!0:22:060:22:08- Happy Christmas. – Hang on a minute.0:22:090:22:11 That says two minutes to one.0:22:110:22:14- That prison clock's running fast again. – That doesn't matter, does it?0:22:140:22:18 Well, of course it matters. It's not lunchtime yet.0:22:180:22:21 Now, get cranking that wheel, you wretched lowlife!0:22:210:22:24 Ow!0:22:240:22:26 Oh well, I guess it's better than eating sprouts.0:22:290:22:33 Oh, that hurt!0:22:330:22:35 There's only one sensible thing to do with sprouts.0:22:360:22:38 Hang them on your Christmas tree. Nice.0:22:380:22:41 Christmas trees haven't always been around.0:22:410:22:44 In fact, here's where they're from.0:22:440:22:46 It wasn't just Christmas trees0:23:500:23:52 that first became popular in Victorian times.0:23:520:23:55 1843 saw the first-ever commercial Christmas card.0:23:550:23:59 Though Victorian cards were a little strange.0:23:590:24:03 At Victorian Weird Cards, you can send a weird Victorian card0:24:050:24:10 directly to your loved ones this Christmas.0:24:100:24:13 Choose from all the latest Victorian Christmas card designs.0:24:130:24:17 Clown attacking a policeman with a red-hot poker!0:24:170:24:20 Child being stung by a giant wasp!0:24:200:24:23 And my personal favourite – children at their parents' funeral!0:24:230:24:28 Or if you're looking for something a little less traditional,0:24:310:24:35 why not try our gift-card range?0:24:350:24:37 Including, slice-of-bacon card!0:24:370:24:39 Yes, that's actual bacon. Extracted-tooth card!0:24:390:24:42 Yes, that's a real human tooth.0:24:420:24:45 Or, dead-mouse card!0:24:450:24:47 Well, you get the picture.0:24:470:24:49 And order now, and we'll send your card by new penny post0:24:510:24:55 for just a penny.0:24:550:24:56 Penny post for just a penny – wow!0:24:560:24:59 And all of our weird cards can be personalised0:24:590:25:02 with your own message at no extra cost.0:25:020:25:05 "Dearest Auntie, sorry the card is so weird,0:25:050:25:10 "but they're the only ones you can get.0:25:100:25:15 "Hope you like the bacon."0:25:160:25:20 Victorian Weird Cards.0:25:200:25:22 Get them while they're still weird.0:25:220:25:24 Have we finished?0:25:270:25:29 Can I eat that?0:25:290:25:31 Now, I bet you think nothing Christmassy ever happened0:25:340:25:37 in the trenches of World War I.0:25:370:25:39 Well, you would be wrong, because on Christmas Day 1914,0:25:390:25:43 the British and German troops who were fighting each other0:25:430:25:46 held an informal truce, climbed out of their freezing trenches0:25:460:25:50 and played a game of football.0:25:500:25:52 Amazing. Imagine that.0:25:520:25:55 I'm imagining it now!0:25:550:25:57 Well, you join us here in the final stages of0:26:000:26:02 this most unusual England versus Germany friendly.0:26:020:26:05 It looks like Britain are mounting another attack, Steve.0:26:050:26:09 Usually it would be with guns and bayonets, but not today.0:26:090:26:12 Jenkins has got through. A magnificent ball.0:26:120:26:14 There's nothing between him and the goal,0:26:140:26:17 except a couple of unexploded bombs and some barbed wire.0:26:170:26:20 Shoot! Shoot!0:26:200:26:22 Poor choice of words.0:26:220:26:24 Good point. Kick, kick.0:26:240:26:27 And Britain have scored. That levels the match at 2-2.0:26:270:26:31 I have to say, the pitch is in a shocking condition.0:26:310:26:34 Absolutely, Steve.0:26:340:26:36 It's not a pitch – it's a battlefield.0:26:360:26:39 The players are playing upon no-man's land -0:26:390:26:41 which is the area of ground between the two enemy trenches.0:26:410:26:44 And it looks like one of British subs is0:26:440:26:47 warming up on touchline there.0:26:470:26:49 He's actually got lice from living in the trenches.0:26:490:26:52 And Germany back in possession.0:26:520:26:55 This would be the winning goal here.0:26:550:26:58 Over here, Herman. On my head, on my head.0:26:580:27:00 Oh! Sorry, guys.0:27:040:27:06 I probably should have taken my helmet off.0:27:060:27:09 WHISTLE BLOWS0:27:090:27:11 They think it's all over. It is now.0:27:110:27:14 Not the war, but the football game.0:27:140:27:16 Great game, mate.0:27:160:27:18 Ja, ja, you want to change the shirts?0:27:180:27:20 Oh, might not be such a good idea under the circumstances.0:27:200:27:24 Ja! You funny guy!0:27:240:27:26 You're all right, mate. Happy Christmas.0:27:260:27:29 You OK too, chum. Happy Christmas.0:27:290:27:32 Touching scenes there.0:27:320:27:34 It's hard to know how these troops are going to go back to0:27:340:27:37 trying to kill each other tomorrow.0:27:370:27:39- Maybe they won't, Steve. Maybe they won't. – Merry Christmas.0:27:390:27:46 Want to travel through the time sewers with me?0:27:500:27:53 Then play Horrible Histories Terrible Treasures.0:27:530:27:55 Go to the CBBC website and click on Horrible Histories.0:27:550:27:59 # Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. #0:28:010:28:04 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd0:28:040:28:06