What would be an easy way to lose your virginity?

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  • Jenny Huang

Jul 15, 2016

    Jenny Huang Jul 15, 2016

    “This is a great passage. I am undergoing a very confused time. This passage taught me a lot. Sex seems so wonderful. Now I think I’m more prepared than before. In China, we don’t get this kind of sex education. All we got was two drawn pictures and I still didn’t understand! Hope you guys can keep going on and tell us more about our body and sex. Thanks.” …” more

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There are some significant downsides to online dating that you should first consider…

  • It’s really time-consuming. If you really want to get results from it prepare to spend like 10 hours a week on it; clicking, liking, hearting photos, writing messages, chatting, etc. Don’t you already spend too much time online?
  • Your looks really matter. Good-looking guys do a whole lot better on online dating.
  • The competition is insane! Good-looking girls are being digitally solicited by hundreds or maybe even thousands of guys. Even girls who you would honestly classify as a 3/10 are getting attention and offers for dates.
  • You don’t actually know what the girl looks like until she shows up on the date!
  • Online dating has always seemed deeply unromantic to me because if the girl is even remotely attractive she has hundreds of other guys hitting on her. The guy is just a commodity that is utterly replaceable with a few swipes.
  • Nothing is at stake emotionally for the girl and the guy is, of course, kind of a wimp really because he’s emotionally insulating himself from real rejection by doing it online. Online dating is really a quite unromantic endeavor!

I’m not saying that you should totally avoid any form of online dating, but it really shouldn’t be your main venue for meeting women. The objective here is meaningfully losing your virginity; if you devote yourself to approaching women in the real world you’ll go through this hero’s journey that will at first be tough and full of rejection but if you keep at it you’ll start getting more and more receptive responses. You’ll start getting dates out of it and eventually one of them will sleep with you. There’s a tremendously manly thrill to taking a chance, approaching a pretty girl to whom you’re a total stranger, and then several days or weeks later having her naked in your bed. Don’t rob yourself of this by confining yourself to online dating.

Later we’ll discuss the nuances of both night game and day game.

Did you know that PETS are a dating lifehack?

But even if you’re just meeting women in the real world the way you portray yourself online makes a big difference and probably has something to do with your failure to lose your virginity thus far.

  • Since you’ve upgraded your style and started hitting the gym you should be looking a bit better than you did months or years ago so get new photos taken of you looking fly.
  • You might want to hire a professional photographer to take some cool photos of you, they will make you look great! At the least get some photos taken of you with a good high-resolution smartphone camera. Use Instagram filters or Google Photos filter adjustments to tweak the photo so you look your best.
  • Get photos of you looking happy and active doing something outside. Photos taken outside look about 5X better than photos taken inside.
  • Get some photos of you looking like you’re enjoying yourself with friends and family.
  • Get rid of or make private all your old photos that aren’t very attractive. All those photos of you wearing clothes that don’t really fit gotta go! Selfies are not helping you lose your virginity. Guys almost always look awkward in selfies. Definitely, don’t have a selfie as your profile picture. Unless you’re really muscular don’t post photos of you shirtless. Travel photos are great. Photos with pets are even better!
  • At a minimum, you want a Facebook and an Instagram profile.

Perhaps all these social networking websites and apps seem like a ridiculous waste of time to you. You remember a time when people met, exchanged phone numbers, and men called women to invite them out on dates. Well, sorry that world is gone! Women, especially the young attractive women that you’re interested in expect you to be on at least Facebook. If you’re not they are going to feel a lot less safe going on a date with you. But you don’t need to have a really active online profile, as long as you have a few good photos and a few friends that is fine.

You also want to think a little about what you’re sharing on social media and if that’s going to make you attractive to women. I’ve known guys who really struggled with women and their Facebook newsfeeds were full of vitriolic political rants or dark humor memes. This is really not attractive.

You need to improve your social skills… or to use a little more colorful parlance; to learn the art of seduction or game (for short). I suggest devoting about 7 hours weekly to reading and watching content on this subject…

Of course, it’s crucial that you practice what you’re learning. Be a practitioner and a tinker, not a theorist. Don’t sit at home watching pickup artist videos on Saturday night when you could be out there doing it!

A meditation practice is a pretty crucial component in your transformation into a more sex-worthy man.

Meditation makes you the master of your thoughts, it gets your thoughts working for you instead of you working for your thoughts.

Meditation more than anything else teaches you to deal with emotional, mental, and physical fidgetiness. Which is something that’s been a challenge for me for as long as I can remember. Meditation empowers Stoicism in that it makes me comfortable with being uncomfortable. It’s definitely made me less of a wimp.

This adventure of losing your virginity is going to require a heightened degree of emotional control. For example; you can count on being in a situation where you meet a girl, have a good conversation or date, you get very excited, and then she rejects you, perhaps in a callous and heartless way. You’ll be hurt and angry. And then you’ll go into this emotional spiral of being angry with yourself or women. You’ll know logically that you shouldn’t be so angry, that you need to get back out there and meet more women but this won’t change the way you feel. And you’ll get angrier and angrier with yourself for not doing what you should be doing. It’s a self-perpetuating emotional cycle that stands in the way of you getting laid. Those who do meditation for 15–20 minutes a day don’t have this problem — we have a bit more control over our thoughts and emotions.

16. Think of masturbation as practice for the real thing

Logo / Via logotv.tumblr.com It would be a little hypocritical to expect someone to know what feels awesome for you when you don’t even know it yet. “It’s helpful — for women especially — before partnered sex to have an orgasm through masturbation,” says Mark. For some people, it’s going to take time to figure out what you like, what you don’t like, and what actually makes you come. But figuring all this out before you get in bed with someone might make your first time less overwhelming.

12. You can definitely get pregnant the very first time you have sex

MTV / Via gurl.tumblr.com Sadly, there are no free passes for virgins. If your first time involves a penis ejaculating inside a vagina, you can absolutely get pregnant, says Herbenick. So before you lose your virginity, think about what kind of birth control you’ll use to protect against pregnancy, and talk about this with your partner…preferably before you’re naked. And you might want to take this quiz about 22 things that may or may not get you pregnant — just so you know.

Shaving

Girls want to be smooth and soft for this intimate moment. Make sure to buy enough shaving cream for a full body shave. Play some good tunes and get ready to spend some time shaving from your armpits to your ankles and everything in between. If you don’t have the time or patience for shaving, you could also splurge and get a wax at your nearest salon.

Finished

The anticipation has resided, you have finally had sex and hopefully it was a success. Now you have to deal with clean up. Make sure you go to the bathroom and take time to freshen yourself up. If you and your partner are close try to cuddle after sex or at least talk about what just happened. This is a big moment for both of you.

1. What Does Losing Your Virginity Mean?

The concept of losing your virginity is not as simple as many people make it out to be. Traditionally, losing your virginity has meant engaging in penetrative sexual intercourse, whether penis-in-vagina or penis-in-anus.

However, not everyone sees it as that. Some would argue that receiving (or giving) oral sex would count; between a straight couple, some would argue that anal sex doesn’t even count. Then there’s the questions of how long it lasts, whether anyone enjoys themselves (or climaxes), and whether it was consensual for both parties.

“I can’t say what counts for everyone,” says Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., host of the “@SexWithDrJess” podcast. “Many of the young straight, cis guys I work with often consider themselves virgins until they put their penis in a vagina. But there is great variation and it seems young folks are more open to seeing sex as an experience that can involve a range of acts — not simply a singular one.”

According to Kayla Lords, writer and sexpert for JackandJillAdult.com, widening “our definition of sex to include anything that offers sexual pleasure” means the loss of virginity would be less clear cut, dependent more on the person’s mindset than the act itself.

“Oral sex is sex (no matter what you may have heard),” she says. “Fingering a partner is sex. So are hand jobs. Mutual masturbation (masturbating together or masturbating each other) can be considered sex. Once you realize how big of an idea sex is, whether you’re a virgin or not becomes harder to define. You could easily say that the first time you masturbated (sex with yourself), you were no longer a virgin — and that would be correct for you. Why? Because virginity isn’t a thing you have or lose… it’s a cultural idea, and it can mean anything you want it to mean.”

That means the old idea of the sexual “bases” where first base, second base and third base are understood to be increasing levels of sexual intimacy (often defined as French kissing, manual stimulation and oral sex before arriving at penetration) is outmoded, and possibly harmful, too.

“The idea of bases and getting to them is extremely limiting,” says Lords. “Is there really an ‘order’ to becoming sexually active with a partner? Does touching a partner’s nipples before you touch their clit really mean you’ve advanced a level? I don’t think so. Becoming sexually active and intimate with your partner isn’t a game to play in the sense that you can get so far but say you haven’t ‘done anything.’ If you’re providing or feeling sexual pleasure, then it doesn’t matter what ‘base’ you’re on.”

Does losing your virginity hurt? There are ways to have sex for the first time pain-free

We spoke to Sexpert Michelle Hope to see how to reduce pain during sex for everyone, but especially virgins having sex for the first time and her simple overarching advice was that comfortable sex starts with good lubrication and good communication. 

That means you need to amp up the foreplay, fellas — our expert tells us women take longer to warm up.

“When we’re talking about the most comfortable sex positions it’s not always about the position, although yes, that’s very important,” says Hope. “It’s also about lubrication and making sure you’re lubricated enough to allow the vagina to stretch because during arousal a vagina can deepen from 2 to 4 inches, so it was definitively built for things to come in and go out — so it’s more about lubrication.”

Therefore, it’s completely okay if you decide to use extra lube for your first time.

“Also, the best position is communication and rooting your sex experience in communication: what feels good and what doesn’t feel good and how do we communicate stop if we need to and set boundaries. Because that’s really a part of safe-play is actually knowing that you’re safe, which can allow the body to relax and open up the vagina, which can allow for easier penetration,” Hope continues.

RELATED: 20 Celebs Reveal The Crazy Way They Lost Their Virginity

Limp dick?

A common problem that virgins have is that you finally get down to business in the bedroom with a girl that wants to sleep with you and infuriatingly your dick goes flaccid! If this happens don’t freak out too much…

  • If you’re anxious about sex it can hurt your erection quality. So relax, breathe deeply and enjoy the ride!
  • Ask her to give you a nice blowjob before you stick it in, that will firm your erection up.
  • Failing that put a liberal squeeze of lube on your dick and masturbate for a few moments to firm up.
  • Alcohol is a double-edged sword in seduction. If you drink a little bit it can relax and put both you and her in the mood. Very few women will sleep with a new guy totally sober, so it’s a good idea to have a few drinks together. But, alcohol is anti-boner sauce, too much and you’ll get whiskey dick. Beer is especially detrimental to erections, so opt for vodka or wine instead.

Once you start getting undressed don’t be in too much of a hurry to put on the condom. Most women like to give you a blowjob before sex. So let her do that and enjoy it!

4. What Should You Know Before You Lose Your Virginity?

The prospect of waiting to have sex for the first time might feel excruciating, but that doesn’t mean it’s something you should just casually rush into.

“I wish I hadn’t had sex until I had a career. Sex itself is overrated and took up so many stupid hours of my young life. For the record, I think [losing your virginity] is special, but non-procreative/recreational sex is not special, and is rather a distraction.” – Mary, 28

If you’re planning on having sex for the first time, there are a few basics you should take into account before stripping your clothes off.

Get Comfortable Talking About Sex

Just because you can talk about sexual topics doesn’t necessarily mean you’re ready to actually have sex. If you can’t be honest and serious about it in conversation, that might be a sign that you should wait.

“The conversation I have with young men (including my own teenage son) is this,” says Lords. “If you’re not willing to talk about sex with your partner, use proper terminology for the sex acts and body parts involved, gain full, enthusiastic, and informed consent from your partner, and discuss condoms and contraception, you’re not ready for sex with a partner.”

RELATED: Here’s What You Should Know About Consent

“But,” she adds, “you can have sex with yourself any time you want.”

Don’t Set High Expectations

It can be easy to get carried away thinking that sex is the best thing of all time and your first time will be amazing. Unfortunately, that’s probably not going to be the case.

“It doesn’t have to be mind-blowing and it likely won’t be because it’s your first time with a partner,” says O’Reilly. “The first time you tried anything (e.g. threw a baseball or cooked a meal), you probably weren’t as good as you are now. Enjoy the process and don’t get hung up on timing yourself or ‘spectator-in’, which refers to watching the experience unfold like an outsider instead of living in the moment.”

Don’t Feel the Need to Hide Your Inexperience

If you feel embarrassed by your sexual inexperience, it might be tempting to lie about it or simply not tell your partner — but that might not be the best strategy, according to O’Reilly.

“You can let your partner know that it’s your first time if you’d like,” she says. “You don’t have to, but it can be helpful. Let them know what you have tried and what you enjoyed. And consider letting them know what’s new to you and how they can make the experience more comfortable and pleasurable. If ‘being a virgin’ is an issue for them (it won’t be for most people), they might not be a good fit for you.”

Don’t Do It Unless You Feel Ready

Most importantly, don’t let anyone (yourself included) pressure you into it. If you don’t feel ready, then you aren’t ready, and it’s OK to say that or to stop things before they go too far even if that’s right as you’re about to do it.

“You should feel prepared and safe,” says O’Reilly. “Much of the information on sex and virginity focuses on supporting young women, but being physically, emotionally and practically prepared and supported is essential regardless of gender.”

So what does feeling prepared include?

“Being prepared might include talking about your desire with your partner; sharing concerns and uncertainties openly; discussing and planning for safer sex — not just condoms and lube, but also your own needs and boundaries (you can talk face to face or start planning via text); taking some time to consider why you want to have sex,” she adds. “What’s in it for you? Do you want to the pleasure, the connection, the exploration, or some other perceived benefit? If you’re motivated by cultural pressure, perhaps reconsider. Your ability to have sex will always be there, so you don’t have to do it right now.”

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