Why do young women want to lose their virginity?


1. Losing your virginity isn’t just P in the V

View this photo on Instagram instagram.com “Theres no universal consensus on what behaviors constitute having sex,” relationship and sex expert Kristen Mark, Ph.D., tells BuzzFeed Life. Not to mention, the notion of “‘virginity’ is very heterocentric. It really excludes a large number of people who may consider themselves as having lost their virginity, but that definition is going to be very different for them.” So losing your v card might involve penetration, or it might involve anal sex, oral sex, manual stimulation, dildos, whatever. There’s no rule that your first time has to meet a specific set of criteria.

There are some significant downsides to online dating that you should first consider…

  • It’s really time-consuming. If you really want to get results from it prepare to spend like 10 hours a week on it; clicking, liking, hearting photos, writing messages, chatting, etc. Don’t you already spend too much time online?
  • Your looks really matter. Good-looking guys do a whole lot better on online dating.
  • The competition is insane! Good-looking girls are being digitally solicited by hundreds or maybe even thousands of guys. Even girls who you would honestly classify as a 3/10 are getting attention and offers for dates.
  • You don’t actually know what the girl looks like until she shows up on the date!
  • Online dating has always seemed deeply unromantic to me because if the girl is even remotely attractive she has hundreds of other guys hitting on her. The guy is just a commodity that is utterly replaceable with a few swipes.
  • Nothing is at stake emotionally for the girl and the guy is, of course, kind of a wimp really because he’s emotionally insulating himself from real rejection by doing it online. Online dating is really a quite unromantic endeavor!

I’m not saying that you should totally avoid any form of online dating, but it really shouldn’t be your main venue for meeting women. The objective here is meaningfully losing your virginity; if you devote yourself to approaching women in the real world you’ll go through this hero’s journey that will at first be tough and full of rejection but if you keep at it you’ll start getting more and more receptive responses. You’ll start getting dates out of it and eventually one of them will sleep with you. There’s a tremendously manly thrill to taking a chance, approaching a pretty girl to whom you’re a total stranger, and then several days or weeks later having her naked in your bed. Don’t rob yourself of this by confining yourself to online dating.

Later we’ll discuss the nuances of both night game and day game.

Did you know that PETS are a dating lifehack?

But even if you’re just meeting women in the real world the way you portray yourself online makes a big difference and probably has something to do with your failure to lose your virginity thus far.

  • Since you’ve upgraded your style and started hitting the gym you should be looking a bit better than you did months or years ago so get new photos taken of you looking fly.
  • You might want to hire a professional photographer to take some cool photos of you, they will make you look great! At the least get some photos taken of you with a good high-resolution smartphone camera. Use Instagram filters or Google Photos filter adjustments to tweak the photo so you look your best.
  • Get photos of you looking happy and active doing something outside. Photos taken outside look about 5X better than photos taken inside.
  • Get some photos of you looking like you’re enjoying yourself with friends and family.
  • Get rid of or make private all your old photos that aren’t very attractive. All those photos of you wearing clothes that don’t really fit gotta go! Selfies are not helping you lose your virginity. Guys almost always look awkward in selfies. Definitely, don’t have a selfie as your profile picture. Unless you’re really muscular don’t post photos of you shirtless. Travel photos are great. Photos with pets are even better!
  • At a minimum, you want a Facebook and an Instagram profile.

Perhaps all these social networking websites and apps seem like a ridiculous waste of time to you. You remember a time when people met, exchanged phone numbers, and men called women to invite them out on dates. Well, sorry that world is gone! Women, especially the young attractive women that you’re interested in expect you to be on at least Facebook. If you’re not they are going to feel a lot less safe going on a date with you. But you don’t need to have a really active online profile, as long as you have a few good photos and a few friends that is fine.

You also want to think a little about what you’re sharing on social media and if that’s going to make you attractive to women. I’ve known guys who really struggled with women and their Facebook newsfeeds were full of vitriolic political rants or dark humor memes. This is really not attractive.

You need to improve your social skills… or to use a little more colorful parlance; to learn the art of seduction or game (for short). I suggest devoting about 7 hours weekly to reading and watching content on this subject…

Of course, it’s crucial that you practice what you’re learning. Be a practitioner and a tinker, not a theorist. Don’t sit at home watching pickup artist videos on Saturday night when you could be out there doing it!

A meditation practice is a pretty crucial component in your transformation into a more sex-worthy man.

Meditation makes you the master of your thoughts, it gets your thoughts working for you instead of you working for your thoughts.

Meditation more than anything else teaches you to deal with emotional, mental, and physical fidgetiness. Which is something that’s been a challenge for me for as long as I can remember. Meditation empowers Stoicism in that it makes me comfortable with being uncomfortable. It’s definitely made me less of a wimp.

This adventure of losing your virginity is going to require a heightened degree of emotional control. For example; you can count on being in a situation where you meet a girl, have a good conversation or date, you get very excited, and then she rejects you, perhaps in a callous and heartless way. You’ll be hurt and angry. And then you’ll go into this emotional spiral of being angry with yourself or women. You’ll know logically that you shouldn’t be so angry, that you need to get back out there and meet more women but this won’t change the way you feel. And you’ll get angrier and angrier with yourself for not doing what you should be doing. It’s a self-perpetuating emotional cycle that stands in the way of you getting laid. Those who do meditation for 15–20 minutes a day don’t have this problem — we have a bit more control over our thoughts and emotions.


3. Along those lines, a “hymen check” is really no way to determine virginity

Netflix / Via youtube.com Again, different people have different amounts of hymenal tissue, and some are thinner, worn away, or filled with fewer blood vessels than others. Plus, that tissue can tear from a variety of things, like physical activity, masturbation, fingering, etc., says Herbenick. So to use this as a marker of whether or not you’ve had sex just…doesn’t make sense.

Put on protection

Before you engage in sexual intercourse make sure that you have put on some protection. Then, slowly start inserting your penis into your partner’s vagina to penetrate her. Be attentive to her cues and her remarks. It is also a big deal for her and she will be the same if not more nervous. Once both of you are comfortable, try rocking gently back and forward until you find a comfortable rhythm.

Create a plan

There are many things that you need to remember for the big day and unless you write them down, you will forget. Most people want to make this moment very romantic and unique so maybe you will need to find a place and time that you both like. Also, you may want to decorate the venue and purchase all your supplies including condoms and lubricant.

You might be thinking…

I can totally see how these motivational factors were missing in my past attempts to lose my virginity. So I’ll have my best friend, wingman, roommate or family member be my accountability partner, maybe I’ll even make a bet with them that I need to lose my virginity or else I need to pay them some amount of money so I get sunk cost working for me…

Well, that might work. But, it’s generally a pretty bad idea to have your friends or family as your accountability partner for a few reasons…

  • If they care about you they will usually enthusiastically agree at first. But often they quickly lose interest. Your loved ones want the best for you but they have their own lives and responsibilities. Also, this coaching is work, it is a service. If you’re not paying them for their time and attention how can you expect them to be committed?
  • Accountability entails real pressure. It’s not always pleasant and it certainly introduces a degree of friction. It’s not really fair to assail the tranquility of your most important relationships with this sometimes confrontational requirement of accountability.
  • Meaningfully overcoming your virginity is going to require some very red pill mindsets and yielding some social dynamics lifehacks from the fringes of polite society. Your friends and family may really frown upon what’s actually going to work to get you beyond this. Along with accountability, they’ll give you crappy, mainstream socially conditioned advice — just be yourself, just be confident, don’t try so hard, follow your heart, be a gentleman and you’ll naturally lose your virginity — that won’t really help you.
  • Finally, there’s this very well studied psychological phenomenon that if you talk about your goals to your friends and family it demotivates you from actually accomplishing them. The emotional pleasure of telling other people about your goal is so intoxicating that it demotivates you. Do you actually want to lose your virginity or do you just want to talk about it?

If you’re serious about this, hire a professional coach to keep you accountable. Your friends and family will respect you a lot more if they see you independently taking action and changing your life.